Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
