Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
