remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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