I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
