dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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