Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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