glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
