My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found puke in my bra..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
