My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
