He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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