Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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