yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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