my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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