Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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