Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
