We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
