True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
