Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
