We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
