This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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