Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
