we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
