Screwed.edu
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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