I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
