They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
