Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
