Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
