so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
