I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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