pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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