I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
