the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
