Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
