So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
