The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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