I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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