dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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