Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
