His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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