my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
