I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
