I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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