i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
