I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
