I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You need a sexual gate keeper
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
