Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize