Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
