I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
