She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
