Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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