Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
smell my finger.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
