Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
