I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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