My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
