i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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