I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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