I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
