you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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