maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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