Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
