If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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