if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize