Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
