I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
