I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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