i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
