I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
