So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
