if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
