How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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