I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
