Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
