2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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