wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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