We got so high we made milksteak
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They took my balls.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize