whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
