ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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