After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
