remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
